is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
