xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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