dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Buhtt sex?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
