didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
