just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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