I wanna bring you to show and tell
i think i have herpe
just one?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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