Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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