I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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