Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize