I CAN MOONWALK!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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