So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
