Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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