I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
