Betty ford says i'm here all night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
