i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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