so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
