hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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