Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
