Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
