so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
