That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
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And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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