Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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