oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I skipped work to stalk him.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
