Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
