I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
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He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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