I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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