but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
