I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
