Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
