i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
