we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you inspire me to be a worse person
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's never too late to be topless.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
