My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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