I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
