my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize