booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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