last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're too hungover to prance.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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