"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
