I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
