the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
