porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
