New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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