So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
