My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
