In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
