her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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