Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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