I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
