you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
