Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
