i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
