Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
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