He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
