Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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