Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
