she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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