I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
