Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
