Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you made out with another girl for some wings
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
