dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
