This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
