next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
