but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You may now shotgun with the bride
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
